


i won't forget the good times

by the_man_eating_cat



Category: Produce X 101 - Fandom
Genre: i've been thinking about these two too much and it turned into this, kind of angsty i guess, what's left when it ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 02:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19880278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_man_eating_cat/pseuds/the_man_eating_cat
Summary: for the first time, they go home.for the first time, they wake up alone.





	i won't forget the good times

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! we're kind of sad hours huh  
> i wasn't really planning on writing anything after watching the produce x final, but then i just kept thinking about them. i was actually going to write something for all the trainees in the final, or at least most of them, but i just have too many emotions about jinhyuk and wooseok. and also after writing this i felt too, like, emotionally drained to write more.  
> anyway, this is kind of messily written, so sorry for that. 
> 
> kind of inspired by good times by all time low (title)

jinhyuk remembers laughing. 

he remembers singing, rapping, dancing, all those wonderful times. 

he remembers dorm bunks, and teasing each other at night. and they should’ve gone to sleep, sure, but the more nights that passed, the closer they came to the end. they were busy practicing, anyway, doing everything they could because it was the  _ only  _ thing they could. everything else was out of their control. it didn’t matter if it was mnet or if it was fans or what -- something could end their journey right now, something could crush their dreams in an instant. so all they had was this, was practicing until they bled, was holding each other tight as they cried, was the bond between the only ones who would understand. 

and maybe they were supposed to compete, but, god, they loved each other. 

jinhyuk remembers his performances, too. 

he remembers how incredible boss was, the power he felt them all give off. he remembers the insane amount of effort he had to put into turtle ship, carrying team members as if he really were their ship, and how that paid off in the end with a number two seat. he remembers how fun move was, and how bad he felt for all the injured members. 

he remembers how well he did. 

and he really did do well. 

and then, before he knew it, he was standing on that stage. 

and now, he just remembers wooseok’s sad, sad eyes. did they both know he wouldn’t make it, before his name was even said? both of them were tearing up, and he was scared, but he was also just so, so overwhelmed. 

“i love you,” wooseok says. 

_ me, too,  _ jinhyuk mouths. 

it’s all they have. those words, they are the world -- they both know what it means. 

jinhyuk remembers dongwook’s sad expression. he’s so grateful for all that his representative did for him. they got so close -- dongwook was more than just a ‘host’ for them. he was their ally, their friend, crying for them and caring for them. he saw them as human, when mnet never could. he wishes he could’ve made dongwook proud. he wishes he could’ve made his parents proud. he wishes he could’ve made  _ himself  _ proud. his team, his fellow trainees, his friends. 

he wishes he could’ve stood there with wooseok. taken his hand, smiled at him, and said, “we made it.” 

he wanted to make it with him. 

but now, it’s ending. 

jinhyuk is standing on that stage, and it’s falling apart. all his effort, slipping into the air. and that’s where it’ll remain, no more than a memory. will anyone think back on it? will anyone remember jinhyuk now that it’s over? what happens to him, when he stays behind as everyone moves forward? what happens to up10tion as wooseok debuts? 

as jinhyuk doesn’t? 

when wooseok hugs him, he’s so warm, so loving. he tries to whisper the words they both know, through choked breaths. that he’s sorry, that he wanted to do this together, that he --  _ loves  _ him. 

but it’s over. it’s over now, and here jinhyuk will stay. 

jinhyuk wants to say ‘i’m sorry’ again. this is on him. they could’ve been up there together. where did he go wrong? what performance did he mess up? was his boyness performance not good enough? did he fail to stand out? 

or was everyone just better? was he just not good enough? 

but wooseok squeezes him tight, and through those tears he finally gets out the only words he can. 

“you did so good, jinhyuk.” 

and jinhyuk knows. he knows there’s nothing more he could’ve done. the decision is made by everyone else. all jinhyuk can do is accept it. 

and he  _ knows.  _ they were  _ all  _ deserving. none of them weren’t good enough. every one of them put in everything they had. and some of them will make it, and some of them won’t. he was good enough. he was good. he just didn’t make it. 

at least wooseok did. 

at least they have this. 

this, jinhyuk thinks. this will have to be it. this will have to be enough. 

at least he was here. at least he performed with everyone else. at least he did everything he could. 

at least he made it this far. 

_ goodbye, my dream,  _ he thinks.  _ time to go back home.  _

back to up10tion, back to the places he knows. 

and he’ll watch every step wooseok takes with his new team, until the steps he takes finally lead him back to jinhyuk. 

this is enough. this is good enough. 

because there is nothing left now that it’s all over, nothing except the memories, and the arms holding him tight. 

when jinhyuk goes home, it’s so quiet. 

from one hundred one trainees, to twenty, to this. 

to jinhyuk all alone in his room. his bed has always been big enough for two, but it’s just him now. just him, and this empty space meant for wooseok. 

and maybe once upon a time, they would’ve come here together, after the last filming. maybe they would’ve stayed home before x1 work starts, and they would’ve held each other tight and said, “good job,” and laughed until they fell asleep. 

but in this world, jinhyuk comes home alone. he can’t bear to come home with wooseok, to sit there and know they are going their separate ways soon. 

he’ll see wooseok tomorrow. he’ll see him when he wakes up, all alone, and can’t bear to stay at home any longer. he’ll see him through the silver screen when x1 debuts, and jinhyuk is still at home. 

but for now, jinhyuk is alone. he lays on his bed, and he remembers everything. 

the laughter, the performances, the final episode. the loss, the gain, the pain. 

“good job, lee jinhyuk,” he whispers to himself. “you did the best you could.” 

now, he deals with the aftermath by himself. 

wooseok finally goes home. 

after months in the produce dorms, surrounded by other trainees, even as their numbers slowly dwindled, he goes home. and now there’s no one else here. even jinhyuk is gone. 

he did it. 

he really did it. 

but how do you celebrate, when the one person you most wanted by your side isn’t there? 

is he supposed to be happy? what he wanted wasn’t just to debut -- it was to debut with jinhyuk. 

all he can think of is jinhyuk’s tears. his arms shook when they hugged each other. jinhyuk’s so good at being strong, at hiding his pain, but there was no pushing those tears away. he could only cry. he kept apologizing as he spoke into the mic, but wooseok knows there was never anything he should have apologized for. 

he did good. he did so good. he put in his all, and people were seeing him, and wooseok thought it meant he would make it. and then he didn’t. wooseok wants to throw away his seat and give it to jinhyuk. 

but then -- even then -- they still won’t be together. 

is there no happy ending? 

he loves his team, the boys who have made it to the end with him. he’s so proud of all of them. 

but, god, he wanted jinhyuk to be there. he wanted him sitting on a seat just like wooseok. 

not standing there, tears falling, suddenly so, so far away. 

five years. 

five whole years. 

in two and a half, wooseok can spend time with up10tion too. he can see jinhyuk again, on more than just the occasional weekend when he has time. 

but it’s not enough. 

he turns in his bed, crying by himself, and falls asleep thinking nothing but,  _ jinhyuk should’ve been here.  _

when he wakes up, he’s still on his own. 

and then his phone rings. 

_ jinhyuk.  _

_ “hey.”  _

just one word -- and wooseok feels his heart tremble. jinhyuk’s voice. why does he already miss him so much? 

“jinhyuk,” he whispers, voice trembling. 

a laugh comes from the other end.  _ “why are you still crying, wooseok?”  _

wooseok’s name is so familiar like this. it’s the only way he ever wants to hear his name. 

“i miss you,” is all he can say. 

_ “we saw each other hours ago,”  _ jinhyuk says. but his voice betrays his words -- too emotional, too shaky. 

“please,” wooseok says. “i need to see you.” 

jinhyuk is quiet. 

_ “i’m on my way.”  _

and then he is here. 

jinhyuk, finally, standing before wooseok. 

he doesn’t think before he throws himself into jinhyuk’s arms, holding him tight again. 

how many more times will he get to do this? how often, from here on out? 

“i don’t want to do it without you,” wooseok says. “i don’t want to leave you.” 

jinhyuk’s breath shakes, as he holds wooseok tighter. 

“me neither,” he whispers, and that’s what cracks both of them. 

“what do i do?” wooseok whispers, tears sliding down. “how do i do this without you?” 

jinhyuk takes a deep breath, and then he slowly pulls away from wooseok. 

“you do it with the others,” jinhyuk says gently, even as his own tears fall. “you do it with the ones who made it. and when you miss me, you pick up that phone, and i don’t care how far apart we are -- i’ll come running. any time you need me.” 

wooseok’s hands fall to jinhyuk’s, squeezing tight. “will it be okay?” he wonders. “will we be okay?” 

jinhyuk smiles slowly. “we have to be, wooseok,” he says. “this is what’s left from that show now. you, and x1. me, and the others.” 

wooseok’s tears fall harder now, splashing onto the floor. his hands tremble, and jinhyuk’s do too, but they still squeeze each other tight. 

“it’s okay,” jinhyuk says. “it’ll be okay. we can make it. all these years -- they’re not so long in the end. and it doesn’t even have to be as idols, as long as someday, we’re together again. it doesn’t have to be for the tv, or for the fans. as long as you’re by my side, i don’t care what the reason is. and until we get there, you get on that stage as x1, and you change lives. and i’ll be on the stage with up10tion, and we’ll change lives. after all this time together, wooseok, we have all these beautiful memories that we’ve shared. we have all these old times, all these good things. but after these next years, we’ll have good times to tell each other, that we weren’t both there for. so we can spend long, long nights, telling each other every single thing. we won’t miss out on a single thing. even if i’m not always there with you, and you’re not always there with me, we’ll be together through these memories. i’m not leaving your side, wooseok. not ever.” 

wooseok laughs, even though it sounds sort of like a sob. 

“i won’t leave yours either,” he tells jinhyuk. “i’ll always be with you. so store up on those good times, jinhyuk. i want to hear every single one.” 

jinhyuk smiles. “that’s the only way they have meaning,” he says. “when i get to tell them to you.” 

and once again, they hold each other tight. once again, they spend the day with each other. because there’s no saying how many more of these days they’ll have -- days where they’re really here, really able to reach out and hold each other. when those days disappear, they won’t always see each other, but as long as they’re here, it’s okay. they’ll see each other again, and talk about the good times. 

just that is a good enough reason for wooseok to never miss a single thing, to never forget a single good time. just to go back home, to go back to the boy he loves, and to share all their good times. 

their journey on produce x 101 is over. but there is so much more to come -- years apart, and then years together after that. 

their lives are not even close to ending, so now is not the time to lose themselves crying. there are still good times to come. 

_ “i love you.”  _

_ “me, too.”  _


End file.
